My Lands: Black Gem Hunting

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 Post subject: Arch-Ruin 07.11.2016
PostPosted: 08 Nov 2016, 12:44 
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Novice

Joined: 27 Jan 2015, 03:08
Posts: 20
In November 7 year 2016 I sent my explorer to explore cursed forest the way very hard during walk he hear very terrible roar, the cries and moans of terrible monsters.
When he was closer to his destination his knees trembling and burst out of my chest sedates. When he finally arrived to the destination he saw a horrible and terrible hero and tens of thousands of horrible and terrible monsters who had occupied the cursed forest. I dressed accordingly my hero who was willing to put this horde monsters and I went into battle and the battle was hard but finally I defeat the horribly monster and there hero.


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 Post subject: Re: Arch-Ruin 07.11.2016
PostPosted: 09 Nov 2016, 09:55 
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Master

Joined: 27 Jan 2015, 03:10
Posts: 103
Congratulation on the great feat! Well done! Your story however needs further improvements. It appears a little too short and a greater attention to grammar would be advisable. It has to be vivid and interesting. You can add a storyline, character descriptions etc. For inspiration you may read previous stories of other players.


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